Brazil history full facts - Bellow some examples Click here to read the full Brazil hystory.
"The bearded toad"
Being colonized by pickpockets, pirates and mafia underbosses, Brazil is... nah, you know, you watch the news... By the way, there are important issues when talking about Brazilian politics. The communists, sent to the Universities by the military dictatorship, started to develop their own administrative theories, in spite of the ANPT (Administration Non-Proliferation Treaty) Well, after 500 years being ruled by local illuminati elites (The descendings of the mentioned pirates, scoundrels and slave merchants), the majority of people saw, again, that in all these centuries of slave work (1st legally and after disguised) they had got nothing of good_S, so nothing to lose, they decided to give a self_try electing one of themselves, Lula da Silva, "the bearded toad" to the despair of elites and the tiny and crude brazilian middle class (that according to him, are snobs who in swaggering to make believe they are rich, eat fish with fries but fart it to sound like caviar), for whose any oposition are "Commies", had to swallow the toad, with his beard.. who to them, is the true beast of the apocalipse, the "terrorist-communist-children-devourer" prototype, a tropical Robin Hood etc etc "After all who this gang of aboriginals think they are? Citizens? And for god's sake hell (sic), why these people want to make money or have wages? Isn't enough to have a work? Why they insist to eat every day? A weekly meal is good enough, ..."where are the fucking military who still didn't screw him?" "What the white house are waiting for to boycott this punk? Fucking shit"
Brazilian Politicians section
According to the local folklore, Brazilian politicians can only be killed with stakes, holy water or exorcisms from the Pope himself. The most popular theory is that they are Sauron's orcs in disguise, while some favor the idea that they are, in fact, Dracula's poor cousins enjoying their retirement in a tropical country. Support for the latter comes from famed politician-slash-dark-wizard Ioseph Dircaeus, who has been seen riding a Nazgul in the sky. His natural enemies are old men with canes and men abused by their wives (ie, Jefferson). They also tend not to like orcs.
They can be separated into 3 subsections:
The Corrupt: Approximately 99.37% of the Brazilian government can be classified here.
The Pure: Uncorrupted as of yet. Also known as "first-termers" or "idiots"
The Inane: President Squidward.
Economics
Brazil's main exports are transgender and mulatta wives to Europe. Brazil is also known on a global scale for its democratization of computers - you may buy any software for about $4, in open air, with no police issues raised. McDonald's internet cafes provided the base for the orkut takeover by angry Brazilian semi-literates.
Brazil's main imports are:
* Almost everything non-edible from China (yeah, no big deal)
* Smuggled goods from Paraguay (including returned stolen and hijacked Brazilian cars, washed "clean" in Paraguay)
* Snacks and non-hippie/non-sexual tourists from Argentina (too poor for a decent trip)
* Delicatessens and anti-American ideology from Europe
* Tons of dope and some gratuitous resentment from Bolivia and Paraguay
* Flute players from Peru
* 1-litre beer bottles from Uruguay[9]
* Criminals, terrorists and other fugitives from everywhere (warm and receptive, remember)
* Dollars and Euros from college-degree toilet-washing illegals from all around the world
Brazil has four transnational corporations:
* Globo: makes Mexican soap operas in Portuguese and television children shows featuring former go-go girls as hostessesXuxa, believe it or not, is Brazil's most famous children's TV hostess. Pic above.. Brazil has a deep tradition in its soaps, differing from Mexican ones in that the main female character wears a bikini ad nauseum and has sex before marriage with her passing acquaintances, who, by the way, wear Hawaiian shirts with the 4 top buttons opened, instead of possessing a mustache.
* Universal Church of the Kingdom of God: a strange cult based on "miracles for money". Their faith is practiced on former movie theaters turned into uber-kitsch "temples".
* Habib's: makes money selling tiny floppy over-moisturized pizzas called "sfihas". They call it Arabian food, despite topping these things with pork sausages.
* Petrobras: despite the gas-inspired name, they are now trying to introduce sugar cane alcohol in USA. Just try to start a 100% ethanol fueled car in the winter - and we are talking about the Brazilian winter, not your pansy little "oh-look-some-snow" winter. Actually, Petrobras' main products are not gasoline or ethanol, but CEO chairs to trade to political allies and all of the Brazilian state-subsided movie production. Do you remember watching any Brazilian movie? So do Brazilians.
Society and Culture
Brazilians have a warm and receptive culture. For instance, they received Ronald Biggs, Augusto Stroessner and Josef Mengele with open legs arms. With their warm and receptive justice code, any criminal, rapist, genocidal dictator or serial killer can feel at home in Brazil. Er... Sorry, but however uncomfortable, we have to talk a little about this. Brazilians are considered somewhat dumb, that is, stupid. Not that there's no dumb people outside Brazil, but that's a confirmed fact. The Brazilian international IQ average is 85. The same distance that separates them from the 105 IQ'ed Japanese separates the average American from Forrest Gump. As an example demonstrating such dumbness, when Brazilians are told that they are dumb, they answer that they are dumb because they are poor. This is an excellent argument. They could have followed the example of Koreans, who were dumb and poor as hell but at least were smart enough to decide to not be dumb anymore and, thus, stop being poor. Unfortunately, Brazilians are too dumb to follow examples. Sad. Brazilians are not racist. Brazilian history has extensively proven how easy having a non-racist penis is; because of the mad-dash of interracial sex and pregnancy, they have about 10,000 "races" there, each defined by a proper adjective for being less-than-black or blacker-than-average (pardo, cafe-com-leite, sarara, moreninho, petroleo, Pele, etc.). Every year there are contests to see who is the least black in each village. It's a tight contest, preceded by record sales of soap and sulphuric acid. In truth Brazilians are really shades of gray between white and black. The South and Southeast of Brazil is inhabited mainly by decadent conservatives, capitalists, indies, headbangers, rappers and other boring people with no redeeming exoticism to save them from being cursed as "Members of the Western World". For that reason, they pay tribute to maintain the glorious 100% non-Western lush state-subsided cultural melting pot of the rest of the country. Brazil is the world's main exporter of elevator music. For the ones too poor to afford an elevator, Brazilian also produce the shittiest Latin crap in the world. Brazilian street fighting, or capoeira, is internationally famous, thanks to some cheesy action movies and popular video games. Capoeira consists of dancing while pretending you are fighting or, inversely, fighting while pretending you are dancing. Yeah, this doesn't work much. Brazilians changed to Jiu Jitsu for urban combat and left the capoeira just as a tourist trap. And there's the Carnival... Yeah... Well, that's the festival in February or, sometimes, March when Brazilians (un)dress like chickens, flock to the streets, dance to the sound of very annoying music, and proceed to drink and screw a lot. Except for the chicken costumes, all of that occurs all year long in Brazil, so Carnival is damn near pointless, except to the mafia bosses who organize the parades, the sex tourists who want to see the parades, and the TV celebs that dress like chickens during the parades. Click here to keep reading and learning about Brazil.